>Guess it didn’t take that long to find comfort. Bumped into this from here comes trouble.

I Hate You:

Del Shannon “Runaway” – This is one of those that starts promising but the chorus totally rapes it of anything good. The high pitched “Why-why-why-why-why-times 67’s” are totally irritating. I bet you some cheesy record exec with a hat and rope suspenders forced good ole’ Del to change the song to make it more “listen able”. Who hates that, I wanna see hands.

Beach Boys “Barbara Ann” – A) I don’t get the Beach Boys anyway. B) This song is the worst shit ever.

Little Eva “Locomotion” – This one throws me because while I think she’s got a good voice and the song instrumentally is pretty good, the lyrics are pretty shittalicious. “My little baby sister can do it with ease / It’s easier than learning your ABC’s”. (By the way, as I was double checking the lyrics for this song, I found a webpage -I won’t link to it ‘cos it’s embarrassing- that had the lyrics on their page as if they were actually written by Kylie Minogue. Yikes.)

Chubby Checker “The Twist” – This song. Is. Over. Rated. Does anybody else upon hearing this song notice the weird Leprechaun-like voice yelling out when C. Checker asks, “Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it the Twister?”, “NO! NO! YEAAAAAA!”. I think it was supposed to be a kid or something, but the day of the recording they couldn’t find one, so they got this old skinny white guy with huge black glasses, who was previously building a nuclear reactor, to scream like a little kid. I don’t know if that’s Hollywood fact or not, but it’s the only explanation I could think of.

Mary Wells “My Guy” – Dare I say that the Sister Act version is more tolerable.

Jay and The Americans “This Magic Moment” – You can blame rampant use in commercials for this one. The guy. And the girl. First date. Walking around the boardwalk. He takes out his Polaroid Camera. She gets eaten by a crocodile. He puts the picture of the crocodile in his locker at school. (Ha! I just made that entire thing up, get me to the ad agency!) This song isn’t romantic, I don’t care what the couples say. I just wish they’d stop playing this since “Come A Little Bit Closer” is a better jam than this one. Anyway.

The McCoys “Hang On Sloopy” – Who is sloopy? Why should they hang on? Why should they shake it, shake it, shake it, Sloopy? Totally don’t understand.

The Four Seasons “Big Girls Don’t Cry” – Yet another high pitched thing. Frankie Valli is hard to deal with anyway, but in this song he’s extra annoying. I wonder if the record company gave him his balls back after they stopped cranking out the hits. Ack.

Shangri-La’s “Leader Of The Pack” – Nope. Don’t listen to it. Don’t even trust it.

Fred, John & His Playboy Band “Judy In Disguise” – I don’t even know what this song means or what they’re saying half the time. Besides the fact that “disguise” and “the skies” sound frighteningly similar, I also have a million interpretations to the “DA-DAH-DAH!” part of that song.

“Well, that’s it!”

“The hatchet!”


“Par natch et!” (Latin, perhaps?)

“The Matt’s It!”

All the while, that guy is saying: With glasses. Will you just read it for yourself??

The Beatles “most everything they did in the early 60’s” – I can’t help it, I hate both “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” and “She Loves You”. Total evil singalong songs that should be buried six feet under.

(On the other hand, Oldies jams: “Sunshine Superman” – Donovan; “These Eyes” – The Guess Who; most anything they play by the Dave Clark Five; “Mr. Tambourine Man” – The Byrds; “Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood”- The Animals….)

Yes, that was a long one… but kids, I needed to at least crack a smile tonight.


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